Going through a rough patch... being so faraway doesn't help at all, in fact it certainly make things worse. I am so disheartened but I am reluctant to give this relationship up. Everyone knows how hard I fought for this and am definitely going to fight for it. But sometimes, I can only do so much. 

He's a true hermit, so don't force too much togetherness. His Sun sign destiny is to achieve self-containment, and this requires a lot of solitude. Give him the freedom to go off and do his own thing, and he'll keep coming back.

I.AM.SO.TIRED. 

woke up after a mere one and a half hour's sleep this morning at 7 and popped over to ecp for 'run for my lunch', didn't run... obviously hahaha but i did my part okay! all for the cause of charity. came home and slept for 5 hours straight, so satisfying. anyway, met wan aft that and got a new camera. couldn't stop playing with it and now i am so exhausted, my eyelids are crashing shut. 

on a side note, i realized how much my dad loves my mom. he was experimenting with my new camera, and looking through the pictures of gladys and i. he just scrolled through the pictures of us, and when it's a picture of my mom, he would pause and admire it for ten seconds before continuing. and when taking pictures, he would take pictures of my super unglam mom instead of his all-dressed-up daughter - me. i look at how their eyes sparkle when they look at each other and how they make each other laugh so easily. it's very heartwarming to know that people are actually capable of staying in love even after so long. :) 

i hope this month's allowance is already here, can't check though - ibanking is down. i really need cash cus i'm going to buy stuffs for my room tomorrow from ikea. yay to going out with prissy and kev, i miss them both and i need lots of kev's latest updates ha. anyway, today has been quite an emotional ride. it's the first time i've ever felt this way, to just give up and hide away. i'm not someone who will avoid responsibilities but today, i did. it's not a good thing, but once in a while, it feels great to just let yourself free and not dwell on anything. for the first time in my life, i avoided his calls. my heart aches everytime the phone starts to ring and his picture starts to show up on the screen, but i kept telling myself not to pick up. i don't know exactly what i was dodging, but i knew i really needed a break from everything. from the moment we became a couple, i had to deal with extraordinary stuffs that other couples don't have to deal with. not that i'm complaining, but two years into it, it's starting to take on its toll and i'm beginning to feel the strain. the quarrels and everything are just fucked-up and for just one day, you wish you don't have to resolve it and just let the problems disappear by themselves, but they wouldn't. i must applaud anyway, for the fact that i could resist the temptation of just picking up the phone and call him for nearly 20 hours. i.am.bravo. everyone knows how needy i am to him, but there, i did it!

i gave my heart and my mind a big break today and i'm really glad i did. nevertheless, at around 1 am i finally caved in and gave him a call and talked things through. at least it's all good now, i can hear birds chirping and smell sunshine all around me haha. i love him so much, all of you know that. i just needed some time off, not for anybody, just for myself. i guess everyone should do it sometime. just fuck care anybody's else needs and responsibilities and what-nots, if you feel like you need a holiday, go for it. cause you're the one living your life, not anybody else.

aye, just my two cents' worth :)

can anybody be my tutor for 文学'你'论? studying from the slides was already a chore, then when i try to study from the textbook, i just died. i swear for the first time, i put all my heart and soul in it to absorb, i did understand most of the part but i'm already strained. & you know how much i've studied? --- the important points she noted in one single slide. i'll kowtow to anybody who can study this module for hours straight. it's so damn bloody difficult!