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❤ Date: Sunday, October 18, 2009
I knew you were the one from the moment we met, or at least I thought so. It doesn't matter that I'm loving and living this life I'm having now. It doesn't matter that I don't have to care bout your feelings anymore when I want to do anything. It doesn't matter that I can wear whatever I want, without being afraid that you will not like it, or that our clothes will be mismatched. It doesn't matter that I can give some strangers my number and danced with him and flirt with him whenever I want.
But it matters so much when at the end of the day I come home, and I don't see you around. It matters so much that before I head to bed, you're not there to say "goodnight, i love you." It matters so much that I'm no longer awakened by your daily good morning kiss before you leave for work. It matters so much that I'm no longer receiving your texts and calls. It matters so much that when I dance with some fucked-up strangers, you're all that I think about. It matters so much that when I wake up, I don't wake up to your texts. And just when I thought you don't miss me at all, you send me a goodnight msg when I least expected it. & it matters even more because that one single text made my heart cringe and made me cried buckets the moment I reached home.
I look at everything around me and everything reminds me of you. I look at your pictures and hate that I can't rewind time so I can just have you here one more time. I think about what's happening around me now and wonder what we'll be doing if you're still here. I miss holding your hands, making you laugh and kiss you wherever and whenever I want. You were mine for so long and now I just lost it. I swear I gave all my love, I sacrificed whatever I could, I cherished you so much I have never took you for granted for a single second. I miss you every moment even when we were still together. But why am I the one who has to suffer all these pain?
It's so tough trying to control myself from contacting you. I want to pick up the damn phone so badly just so I can cry and tell you that I miss you and I want you back so fucking badly. But I'm sane and sober enough to know that I'll be just crushed if I ever make that call. 'Cause I know how much it hurts to say "i miss you" to someone and never have it said back.
& even though this is torturing me, I know that I want you to be happy. Never mind that I'm exchanging all these tears for your happiness. Never mind that this is going to haunt me forever. I love you so I'm letting you go, allowing you to find happiness. Right now you feel that you'll be happier without me, so I'm not holding you back anymore. But if one day you realise only with me, then you'll be truly happy, then please come back, 'cus I'll be right here waiting for you, as long as I could.