i hope this month's allowance is already here, can't check though - ibanking is down. i really need cash cus i'm going to buy stuffs for my room tomorrow from ikea. yay to going out with prissy and kev, i miss them both and i need lots of kev's latest updates ha. anyway, today has been quite an emotional ride. it's the first time i've ever felt this way, to just give up and hide away. i'm not someone who will avoid responsibilities but today, i did. it's not a good thing, but once in a while, it feels great to just let yourself free and not dwell on anything. for the first time in my life, i avoided his calls. my heart aches everytime the phone starts to ring and his picture starts to show up on the screen, but i kept telling myself not to pick up. i don't know exactly what i was dodging, but i knew i really needed a break from everything. from the moment we became a couple, i had to deal with extraordinary stuffs that other couples don't have to deal with. not that i'm complaining, but two years into it, it's starting to take on its toll and i'm beginning to feel the strain. the quarrels and everything are just fucked-up and for just one day, you wish you don't have to resolve it and just let the problems disappear by themselves, but they wouldn't. i must applaud anyway, for the fact that i could resist the temptation of just picking up the phone and call him for nearly 20 hours. i.am.bravo. everyone knows how needy i am to him, but there, i did it!

i gave my heart and my mind a big break today and i'm really glad i did. nevertheless, at around 1 am i finally caved in and gave him a call and talked things through. at least it's all good now, i can hear birds chirping and smell sunshine all around me haha. i love him so much, all of you know that. i just needed some time off, not for anybody, just for myself. i guess everyone should do it sometime. just fuck care anybody's else needs and responsibilities and what-nots, if you feel like you need a holiday, go for it. cause you're the one living your life, not anybody else.

aye, just my two cents' worth :)